You Don't Have To Say It
by ToAshes
Summary: Hiatus until my muse returns for this one. Through all the fighting, threats and door slams, she always found her way back to him. Until she turned her back. Not as sappy as it sounds, promise. Tesla/OC
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so I know Tesla hasn't been at the sanctuary as long as I make it seem, but this is set after a while of him joining. Confusing to explain, but you'll understand shortly.

**I do not own and did not create Sanctuary, only my OC's (ie Arianna)**

reviews are lovely. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with this, just kind of popped into my brain. If people aren't commenting, I'm probably going to scrap pile this.

Also, my Sons Of Anarchy fic, Blood On My Hands, comes before this on my priority list. Once I update that, one for this story should follow promptly.

_thoughts_

**_past_**

**emphasis**

SHOUTING

* * *

**It Starts With Good-Bye**

"You don't get it! Jesus, Nikola, just freaking admit it. You don't understand me. You never did!"

"You're a woman, of course I don't understand you," He rolled his eyes at her, she was such a woman.

"Do you really think this is funny? God!" She shook her head violently, as if it would somehow sort everything out in her head. Sighing, she said in a calmer voice: "I never asked you to. I didn't even ask you to **try**. But I did everything I could to help you, the least you could have done was **pretend** like you gave a damn. But **no**! You had to lead me on, didn't you?"

"I never lead you on."

"Of course you did! Because the game is always more fun when you're trying to win. Once you have the prize, what's the point, right?"

He said nothing, only stared at her, his eyes shooting lasers into her dark blue ones. What was he supposed to do, lie to her? She'd gone through enough of that.

She brushed past him, stopping in the doorway she turned to look at him. _One last time_.

"You knew getting into this that I don't LOVE. Jesus, I'm half vampire." He had to say it before she left him there for good.

"You didn't have to. I would have gotten by with an 'I like you,' but you can't even spare that, can you?"

He looked down and turned back to the table. _Guess not_. His unspoken words echoed in his mind, making him cringe inwardly like the horrid sound of nails running down a chalkboard, or teeth scrapping a metal fork.

Tears in her eyes, she strode away. Nikola Tesla listened to her retreating footsteps, hating himself for not going after her. But they'd gone through that song and dance before. It never changed anything.

If he **had** followed her, grabbed her wrist and pulled her body close into his, what would it have accomplished? Nothing, that's what. She'd pulled away, like she always did. She never let him inside those walls she built. Maybe she had **said** he was different, **said** that he was closer than anyone else, but those were just words. Empty phrases meant to catch the attention and dazzle the gullible. A long winded, waste of a breath intended only to entice the unaware and trap the blind; a breath that could have been used in some other manner, like proving it all to him. And he was none of those things; gullible, unaware or blind. But she would never understand that.

Or maybe she did. Perhaps she understood** too **much. **Perhaps** that's what she was trying to explain to him. God, electricity was so much easier to withstand than the days and nights spent on trying to figure out the inner workings of this woman's brain.

"Goddamn shape shifters," he muttered, very aware that Henry now stood beside him.

"Excuse me? Just 'cause you two are fighting, doesn't mean you can take it out on all of us." The werewolf snorted, ignoring the growl that wanted to escape his lips.

"Shut up." Tesla snapped then turned to the other man. His eyes still blazed not in anger, but in fear; they were screaming in agony. He knew all too well that Arianna wasn't going to come back to him this time. "What do you want?"

"Magnus wants ta see us. You, me, Will, John, whole damn crew."

"Alright." He growled. "Don't wait here; I'll meet you all over..."

"In her office." Henry completed for the half vampire, who simply nodded. Henry clapped Tesla on the shoulder, "She'll come back, man. She always does." Then walked away.

"No. Not this time, she won't." Tesla muttered as Henry left, though Henry pretended not to notice.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Dispite his best efforts at self-control, Tesla took the long way to Helen Magnus's office, so that he passed Arianna's guestroom. He held his hand to knock on the door, but it swung in before his open palm could slam against the wood. She stood in the doorway, looking as surprised as he did. Her backpack was slung over her shoulder and her hand held a small duffle bag. She looked absolutely gorgeous in that white gauze dress, the one with the black slip under it and came to an uneven end with one side of the hem stopping in jagged cuts at her knee while the other side fell mid-calf. His eyes scanned her, knowing what the bags were for.

"So, you're really leaving." Was it the genius that always had him stating the obvious?

"Yeah, I am. I can't stay here..." Her voice trailed off. His ears picked out the slight wariness in the words.

"Why not?"

"Gee, I wonder why. You're a pretty smart guy, figure it out, I know you can." She smirked at the last four words. Maybe it was the sarcasm that got them into so many fights.

"Ari, don't go...Please?" He seemed as concerned as he felt. He knew she had nowhere else to go, that's why she had come here. Shape shifters weren't exactly welcomed into the world as fact; she was seen as fantasy. Pure fantasy. But he knew she was real, hell, he was half vampire. To the rest of the world, neither of them existed, and he had grown to be quite content with not existing with her.

"Now you want me to stay? Make up your mind, I can't be undecided territory."

"I never wanted you to leave. You have nowhere to leave** to**, anyway. You'll be out on the streets, like you were when they found you. So, maybe you have control over going all wolf or dragon freak on people now, or whatever the hell you do, but do you really think that the world is going to welcome you back with open arms?" He had a very valid point. She was nonexistant now, scrubbed from the memory of any living being, she couldn't just waltz back there, too many questions would be raised.

"Werewolf. I'm a werewolf." She crossed her arms while she corrected him, her eyes looking past him (or maybe through him?) and down the hall. "I'll go to a different sanctuary."

He sighed and moved from the doorway so he wasn't blocking her path any longer. "Fine. If that's what you really want, I'm not going to stop you. But at least say good-bye to Helen and them before you slam the front door." He wasn't really suggesting she do it, he was commanding her.

"I was planning on it." She left him standing in front of her door, looking into her room. Any sign that she had spent the past three years there were now absent.

Staring aimlessly into it, he remembered that time she had fallen so ill, even Magnus had doubts about Arianna surviving. She lied in that bed for weeks straight, then a month, then a month and a half. He stayed by her, leaving only when Helen insisted he got back to work. They hadn't fought through that entire time, he and Arianna. Probably the longest they had ever gone without a yelling contest.

He remembered the countless nights he spent with her head on his chest, feeling her breath breeze gently across him. He'd wrap her tightly in his arms, pulling her naked body into his, cherishing the way her curves felt against him.

Shaking his head, Tesla returned to reality from his memories and began to stride for Helen's office. He needed the distraction of a 'crew meeting,' as Henry called it.

* * *

Please click the button with the pretty green letters below. Tell me to either continue or scrap pile, along with likes and dislikes. I can handle constructive criticism.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own and didn't create Sanctuary. Only my OCs.

Despite the lack of feedback, I have decided to keep going with this, see where it ends up.

thank you to whoever it was that reviewed. And I fixed that for you, I knew what I wanted it to mean, but it wasn't depicted clearly, thanks for pointing it out. Also, I must agree with "were-dragons suck" and that turning into whatever is lame. It leaves no room for real conflict, only stupidity.

* * *

**Epiphany of the Hopeless**

As Tesla stared into her room, Arianna was making her way to the foyer. She pitched her bags beside the door and went to find everyone she wanted, no, **needed** to say good-bye to.

After a while of looking and wandering throughout the sanctuary, she came to the conclusion that they were doing something important. And if Nikola was there, there was no doubt they would know about her departure. So she found Big Guy and gave him one last monster hug before sitting alone of the staircase, head in her hands; waiting for Helen, Henry, John and Will to spot her.

~*~*~*~

"What's got you down?" Helen asked as Tesla stepped lightly into the office. He was hoping to not have to explain the earlier events of this morning, though he knew just how impossible of a feat that was.

"Arianna's leaving."

"She can't stay away from you--"

"The sanctuary."

"What about the sanctuary?" John intruded; the room no longer only containing Tesla and Helen.

"But she…Where will she go? It's not like she'll have a place to stay"

"I told her, she simply said she'll transfer to another, most likely the London or Moscow complex, knowing her."

"Who are we talking about?" Will interjected.

"Arianna?" Henry inquired; quite certain he already knew the answer.

Tesla nodded and sunk into a chair, tipping his head back, his eyes wandering over the rough ceiling.

"I'm--"

"Don't say it. Just don't." He snapped. He didn't want to hear the apologies, it wasn't their fault, if anything it was his. "What did you want us for?"

Helen sighed; Tesla was always hard to get through to. "The Cabal is planning yet another attack. Hit us while we're down type strategy. Henry, I need you to work on security systems. They have to be flawless. Nikola, work on something to help out with this, a weapon would be lovely. When Henry is done with security protocols, he'll help you." Tesla rolled his eyes, "Will and John, start coming up with battle plans, hopefully we won't need them, but better safe than dead."

John shoved himself off the table he was resting against, Henry and Will left the room and Tesla rose from the chair.

"Wait a moment, will you?"

"I need to work."

"Nikola, what happened with her?"

"She wants something permanent, something I can't give her."

"So, you're just going to let her walk away?"

"What else can I do, Helen? I can't stop her, you know that. If she wants to come back, I'll still be here."

"I guess you're right, but I don't like it."

"Who does?" Helen watched the half vampire glide into the hallway and make his way to his lab.

~*~*~*~

"Big Guy, have you seen Arianna anywhere? I need to speak with her."

He pointed toward the girl sitting on the staircase. Helen made her way to it and sat beside the younger woman.

"I hear you're leaving us."

~*~*~*~

_**They were just walking out of the building, their mark in toe when Will first noticed the young woman. The rain was pouring and she was still standing motionless on the curb. Her eyes grew wide when she spotted the man Will and Helen were walking to the truck. **_

_**"Are you okay? Do you need a ride somewhere?" Will had asked.**_

_**The man whose arm Will was gripping ripped out of his grasp and ran at the woman. She bolted down the street and into an alley.**_

_**Will and Helen followed close behind, trying to recapture the man but curious about the young woman as well.**_

_**At the end of the alley was blocked by a concrete barrier. Escape no longer a possibility, she prepared herself for battle.**_

_**"Move! Get out of the freaking way!" She screamed at Will and Helen.**_

_**The man, no longer a man, launched himself at the two sanctuary workers. The girl ran, and shoved the two out of the way, crouching low to avoid becoming the creature's landing pad. Will's jaw dropped as the brunette morphed into a snow white wolf, baring fangs that had been bloodied in a previous encounter.**_

~*~*~*~

"I'm not leaving because of you guys. I just need some time to think things through, that's all."

"Things with Nikola?"

"Partly..."

Helen looked at her questioningly and tried to sound more concerned than pushy. "What's really going on?"

"When you look at me, what do you see? Honestly."

"I-I...hmm..." Helen faltered a bit over the inquarry. She hadn't expected the conversation to take this kind of turn. "I see a beautiful young woman with a great sense of humor and tries to avoid confrontation at all costs."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Her voice trailed off as she took a deep breath and released it. "When I look in the mirror, I don't see anything. I see nothing, Helen. I couldn't explain it to you, if I tried. I don't have a purpose here. Its like-like...What are you planning on doing throughout the week?"

_My she really does know how to catch a person off guard, doesn't she? _"Defending us against the Cabal. What does that have to do with anything?"

"You **plan **on doing something useful, right?" Helen nodded. Arianna gazed off into space, not exactly knowing what about the shadows kept her eyes' attention. She tried to sort through the empty, meaningless clutter that had accumulated in her mind after all these years of confusion and unknowing. "When you look into next week you **see** yourself doing it. When I look, I see nothing. I dream of nothing. The world's just a black canvas."

"That, my dear, has a name. It's called: spontaneity."

Arianna only shook her head. _You don't get it._ But Helen could never understand because she would never admit that the black canvas she saw was empty. Besides the claw marks. Death had claimed her as his and the scrathes proved it. They grew longer and deeper each time she saw it, for each day she survived. The slashes ripped the canvas, her heart, her world, apart a little more, slowly tearing everything she knew to shreds.

"If you need time, we're more than willing to give it."

"Thanks, do you think John would teleport me to the London complex?"

* * *

Click the pretty button, you know you want to!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't own and didn't create Sanctuary. I just write about them.

Thanks for the reviews.

Lots of explaining in this chapter.

**emphasis**

**_past_**

_thoughts_

* * *

_"Just look at this photograph, every time I do it makes me laugh..." -Photograph by Nickelback._

**Pictures Worth a Thousand Memories**

Tesla stood in silence, trying to configure the infernal contraption that lay on the table in front of him. But he couldn't concentrate, thoughts racing through his head. Thoughts and memories, things he couldn't block out if he wanted to. Swearing he made his way out of lab. _Can't make a weapon if I don't know what it's going to have to kill _he excused his behavior, welcoming any distraction he could find.

He searched in vain for Will or John, the ones who were **supposed** to be working on battle strategies. _I don't need them often, but when I do, why are they always off in their own little worlds?!_

A growl escaped his lips as he finally located the others. Surrounded in the shadows of a corner in the foyer, he stopped in his tracks. Arianna was standing by them, giving and receiving tight hugs, tears rolling down her face that glistened in the light. Henry was awarded the longest embrace, though that wasn't a surprise.

Henry and Arianna were one of the same, both werewolves. They shared the same desire to be able to control their abilities and were on the same medication. She had often tried to convince Tesla that she only thought of Henry as a brother and that there was nothing larger between them. _"__**No romance, no love triangle, I promise."**_She told him. But the two were nearly inseparable, always laughing and joking and messing around. They had sparing matches and movie nights. There **had**to be something there...right? Or maybe Tesla was being paranoid. Damn this overprotectiveness he felt for her, even now, it washed over him. Possessiveness sweeping him off his feet in a massive tidal wave. His face burned when she kissed Henry on the cheek and muttered something to him.

Tesla who found his nerve and walking toward the group, tried to look unaffected by her decision to leave. Arianna's head dropped as he approached, she just couldn't look at him.

"So it's official this time?" Tesla crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, guess it is" She seemed passive enough, though his tone made her shift.

The silence itself would have been awkward enough with John and Henry staring Tesla down, Will's gaze flitting across everyone in the small crowd, Arianna half sobbing and staring at her feet and Magnus standing there waiting for them all to grow up. But Arianna somehow managed to wrap her arms around Tesla's neck and pulled him down, forcing him to look at her.

"This isn't just about you, us." She whispered as he stared at her with wide eyes.

"So before, that was just a show? Come on, now." But there was something in the way she was looking at him made him give in to her touch and lean into her arms, letting her chin rest on his shoulder. He couldn't help himself; fight or no fight, he couldn't just let her leave without some kind of physical contact. While a kiss would have been better in his mind, a hug would do just fine.

"Skype me later. I'll tell you everything," Her lips were against his ear to prevent anyone else from overhearing and questioning. As the last word was said, she pushed away from him and nodded at John as the bald man placed a hand on her arm.

~*~*~*~

_**Magnus offered her a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants kept in the back of the truck after the fight. Though victorious, the young woman had barely made out of the brawl with her life. She now gasped for air and held her hand firmly to her belly, trying desperately to stop the blood from pouring out of the gash cut deep into it.**_

_**"Can you tell me your name?" Magnus was busy searching the truck for a medical kit of some kind.**_

_**"A-Ar-Arianna…" The girl choked out.**_

_**"Well, Arianna, I'm Helen. The man's Will. You're safe now, okay? We're not going to hurt you."**_

_**"It hurts...so much..."**_

_**"Lie back in here," She raised her voice to a yell, "Will, hurry up with that one!"**_

**_The younger man did as he was told and jumped into the passenger seat, nearly running into the door as he did. And with that, they were off._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_By the time they had reached the sanctuary, Arianna was blacked out in the back of the truck. Will picked her up into a fireman's carry on did his best to jog into the building where Big Guy was holding open the door._**

**_"Thanks," Will nodded to him._**

**_"No problem."_**

**_John had met them in the foyer at Helen's request._**

**_"Get her to the infermary," Helen waved a hand at the young brunette dangling in Will's arms._**

**_The blad man nodded and transfered the woman into his grip from Will's and teleported to the infermary._**

**_"Did you get anything out of her?" Will was staring at the blood on his shirt, wondering how he always managed to ruin his favorite t shirts._**

**_"Her name is Arianna, obviously a werewolf. Other than that, I know as much as you do."_**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_"What happened to this one?" Tesla watched as John laid the woman on a bed._**

**_"No idea, Helen just said to bring her here. Looks bad, though."_**

**_Helen bursted into the door not to long after the men had stopped the bleeding of Arianna's abdomine._**

**_"What happened out there?" John demanded._**

**_"Mark had a grudge against her, I guess. He went right after her when he saw her. It was a hell of a fight. She's a werewolf, to let you know."_**

**_"I'm curious to see how Henry takes that news." Tesla commented._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_"Where...What the hell?" The young woman awoke in the infermary, confused as they came._**

**_"It's okay. Do you remember me?"_**

**_"Helen, right?" Her voice seemed almost forced._**

**_"Yes. You took quite a beating. I brought you back here, to the sanctuary, its a place for people like you," Helen smiled as she sat in a chair beside the bed._**

**_"People...People like me?"_**

**_"You're called an abnormal, don't take offense to that, its just that, you're not human. Do you know what you are?"_**

**_"Were-Werewolf...So what?"_**

**_Helen smiled again, "This is a safe refuge for abnormals, from anyone who would want to hurt them, like your little friend in the alley."_**

**_"Oh..." She groaned in pain._**

**_"It's going to hurt for a while, but it shouldn't be too bad once the pain killers kick in. Now, I have some things that need tending, but Nikola should be in here shortly, if you need anything." Helen patted the girl on the shoulder and left the infermary._**

**_She stared at the ceiling, eyes following the rough texture._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_She awoke yet again, but this time a rattling close by had startled her. Looking down at herself, her face twisted. Why hadn't she morphed? She usually did when surprised by thing, especially loud noises..._**

**_"You're on a medication to help you control it," A man's voice said, seemingly reading her mind._**

**_She looked up at him and blinked. "I can control it now?"_**

**_"If you stay on the medication, after a while, yes, you will be able to. Hell, it keeps me feeding off of people like you" He turned to her with a smirk on his face and leaned on the counter. "I'm Nikola Tesla."_**

**_Her eyes flew wide. "Like the guy that invented the radio?"_**

**_He nodded. "That would be me." Then when he noticed her face he added: "I'm half vampire"_**

**_"Damn." She shook her head, disappointed._**

**_"What?"_**

**_"I always said that if I knew the guy that invented the radio, I'd give him a huge hug and force him to be my best friend. Or at least make him cupcakes. But I can't exactly do that, now can I?"_**

**_"You could when you get better...?" Whether not he wanted a hug or cupcakes was beyond her. "Who are you, anyway?"_**

**_"Arianna"_**

**_"Hmm. Are the pain killers working out alright? We weren't sure about the right dosage, we didn't know if you had any allergies or anything."_**

**_"Yeah, they're good. If I do have any, I don't know about it."_**

**_Tesla mentally archived the statment as he nodded._**

~*~*~*~

She had all her things unpacked and was lying sprawled on the bed, tracing the water marks and long forgotten bug guts smeared over the ceiling with her eyes. She didn't mind, as long as the bugs were dead, not creeping all over her and as long as she didn't get dripped on by water from God knows where. Her mind wouldn't settle on anything useful. _What was that guy's name? It was..._But her thoughts would ramble into something that would ultimately leave her longing for Nikola. She craved the sound of his voice, needed to explain things to him, open up completely and tell him why she couldn't be around him. Her outstretched arm felt something cool underneath it. Curling her fingers around it, she moved it so she could identitify the object. Her heart dropped to her stomach when she saw the photo into her hand. She traced the outline of her body pulled tight into Nikola's arms, she was laughing in this picture, they both looked so happy.

She remembered that day. It was the day they were found out by everyone. It wasn't that they tried to **hide **it from them, they were just getting their kicks with seeing how long it took the others to notice. She smiled at the memory. Four days. It took them four days to realize **something** was going on between the couple. _And I just threw it all away..._Dysfunctional the relationship may have been, to say the least, but she loved it, loved the way he called her his freak-show, even though he had no room to talk. And no matter how much she would deny it, she loved him and didn't know what she would do now. Through all the fighting, threats and door slams, she'd always found her way back to him. She just wished she could this time, but more was going on than anyone knew.

Closing her eyes she remembered that day he had made it more than clear that he wanted her and instantly hated herself for thinking about it. This was supposed to be an easy move, she'd done this kind of thing so many times before. But none of them ever hit this hard because she never trusted anyone like this; she never stuck around long enought to become this attached to anyone, let alone a man

~*~*~*~

He stood at the window of his guestroom, staring out into the night. No noise came from outside or downstairs, and every star in the sky shone, lighting the distance. _Like her eyes did that first time..._Looking down, he sighed at the photograph he held in his hands. It showed the two of them, Arianna and himself. He held her close to him; she was laughing her brains out while he planted his lips on her cheek. That was the moment Henry had decided to snap the picture. They had doubles made which he made him wonder what she had done with hers. She probably left it behind in her room...her **old** room. He dropped the photo, letting it flutter to the window sill, and ran a hand through his hair, looking back out the window. The levies broke as memories flooded into his mind, invading his thoughts.

~*~*~*~

**_He was tinkering with something at his work table while she "improved" some outdated software on the computers in the lab. _**

**_She didn't know what it was that she found attractive about him. Maybe it was the hair. Or was is the fangs when he vamped out? Maybe the random sarcasm fights they got into that annoyed everyone who was around them. Or was it the way he called her "Ari" because he was too lazy to call her by her full name? God only knew. _**

**_But she was too busy concentrating on ways to not brainstorm the reasons to notice him sneaking a glance at her every other second. He couldn't focus with her in the room, sitting on his chair, at his desk, chewing on his pen. He groaned and slammed the table lightly, trying not to jumble his work. _**

**_"What's wrong? Did your hair fall out of place?" She teased him. _**

**_"Aren't you adorable?" Oh yes she was with her nose wrinkled like that. _**

**_"You think so, too?" She smirked playfully and turned back the computer._**

**_Tesla walked to the desk, leaning all his weight on the back of the chair, coming close to tipping it over. She turned her head when she felt his breath against her face, doing her best not to think about leaning back and kissing his neck then his mouth. Her eyes wandered his face, searching for any sign he felt the same, finding none. Turning his head, Tesla made no effort to avoid contact with her. He smiled devilishly as he pressed his lips to hers._**

Am I going to leave it there until next time? You bet! buahahahaa. Mainly because I'm not exactly sure about the way I portray everything happening...give me ideas, please?

Oh and uh, take your mouse, put it over the little button with the pretty green letters and click the left mouse button and start typing away. You KNOW you want to!

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Didn't create and still don't own Sanctuary.

Thanks for the reviews.

_thoughts_

**_past_**

* * *

**Welcome To My World**

A chill ran down her spine when she thought of that kiss. It hadn't lasted but a moment and was never fueled by the addition of either abnormal's tongue. It was simply a kiss, but it wasn't light or gentle enough to call it a brush or accident. It had been enough to shake her world, not that he would ever learn that.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized, that's the moment this heartbreak began. But she couldn't blame him for it, she had gone along with him, she let herself get carried away into yet another false hope.

~*~*~*~

He was supposed to Skype her some time that night, but he resented the thought of seeing her tear ridden face or hearing her voice. It wasn't her he hated, like he would have wanted everyone to believe, but the memories that finally been blocked from his consciousness. Tesla knew that just clicking her name would bring them all back.

And he didn't feel up to listening to the excuse she would have formulated in that mind of hers, well aware that it would have come from the darkest corner. She was always an expert at making the improbable sound overly possible, putting anyone into her trance. She could have anyone on her side, and already had her talons sunk deep into Helen and Henry, hell, all of them. _Even me...How was I so blind? _He couldn't figure how he'd fallen into her trap. Because that's all it was, a trap. Wasn't it?

~*~*~*~

It had been hours since she arrived in London, met the personnel, unpacked her bags and raided their kitchen for something to eat, and still there was no sign Nikola even attempted to contact her, Skype or otherwise. She sighed and sat back on the bed; this was the part she hated the most: the rejection. He needed to know, she knew the way he worked, he wouldn't even bother to wonder about the **reasons**, he just knew she left.

She always hated that about him. He viewed reasons as excuses, words that people used to project blame off of themselves and onto someone who was most likely completely innocent in the matter. He tried to make fights one-sided; him yelling at her while she sat and listened, but that's not the way she was wired. Arianna was combative, she couldn't help it. She'd been raised to defend herself, her honor, despite what anyone tried to say. But he couldn't see that. She lost many a friend, many a family member.

Come to think of it, she didn't have a family as most people thought it as. Anyone she was blood related to was dead or refused to even look at her, refused to acknowledge her existence. _Don't think about them...They mean nothing...not anymore. They chose it...Wasn't your fault_. She tried in vain to convince herself of her innocence in the demons that followed her. _You couldn't help it...You were born this way...They couldn't handle it...Couldn't handle you._

_~*~*~*~_

**_"Where are we going Mommy?" The little girl tilted her head, her dark brown hair draping over her shoulder._**

**_"A place where I won't have to deal with you," Her mother scolded. Arianna wasn't supposed to speak. Not unless someone directed a question or statement at her, which was never._**

**_Her parents put forth great effort to keep her silent and hidden from the world, but the task grew more and more difficult the older she got. They never gave an explaination for why the young girl was never around when they had a get together and no one ever asked. But Arianna knew why. It was because she was different; because whenever she got scared, she wasn't herself. She changed, morphed, into something little girls weren't supposed to become. Little girls weren't supposed to grow long canines and hide under their beds because they were too afraid to see what would happen if their parents saw their wolf half; because little girls weren't supposed to have a wolf half._**

**_So, she looked out the window of the car, imagining where they might be headed to. Her mind dreamed of mountains, the ones with the white that looked like a hat on their peaks. She escaped to her little world again, praying that someday she'd be able to find this place for real, not just behind closed eye lids. It made her happy, this place. She could run and play and morph and no one was there to stop her; she could be herself without wondering if Mommy and Daddy would get upset._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_She did her best to say nothing as they pulled up to the house. There was an iron gate and a multitude of plants in front that needed major tending. The little girl shivered. This place wasn't the mountains with the white hats; this place reminded her of those scary houses in the Halloween movies her parents gave her to watch._**

**_Pulling her jacket tight around her, Arianna sunk into it, hoping that it would supply some sort of protection for whatever was to come next. She dragged her backpack and stuffed bear behind her as she slid across the back seat and out the car door, wishing that this was just another nightmare, praying that she'd wake up. Maybe, if she was lucky, she'd being lying in a box covered in dirt and she'd fly up to Heaven. Then maybe, if she was still lucky, Heaven would be those pretty mountains with the white hats._**

**_Her mother huffed and grabbed Arianna by the wrist. She turned and dragged the little girl down the walk to the door. The large, dark wooden door open, revealing the foyer, white tile flooring, a blue rug, beige walls with late Da Vinci prints. A tall woman stood in the door way, a man paced uneasily behind her. Arianna backed slowly out of the door but her mother shoved her through._**

**_The woman grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around as the girl's mother slammed the door, Arianna could see her striding to the car through the large windows surrounding the door._**

**_"Mommy...?" She whimpered._**

**_The woman whirled the tiny child around. "I'm Pam, that's Kevin. We're your mommy and daddy now."_**

~*~*~*~

She jolted awake, putting a hand on her throat, recalling everything that had happened in that house. But it wasn't a house. And it wasn't a home. And Pam and Kevin weren't her parents because she didn't have any.

Looking over at the clock, she groaned. 3 am. A familiar feeling bombarded her. Dread with a mix of anxiety. She glanced around the room, afraid of what she might see. But she saw nothing, just the empty room, illuminated by the stars and moon in the sky outside her open window. They reminded her of Nikola. Everything reminded her of him. She couldn't stop thinking about how she'd ruined everything with him. She had a life back there, but she threw it all away and she hated herself even more for it.

~*~*~*~

Very unaware of the jittery girl that sat awake in London, desperately needing him, Tesla lie asleep in his bed. He had the pillow covering his head as if it would shut out the sound of her voice. **_"this isn't just about you...I'll tell you everything..."_** It repeated in his head like a cracked record. Groaning, he shoved the bed out of his face. It just wouldn't shut up. He looked at the clock and hated himself for doing so. 3 am. _Goddamn._ He knew wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, now that he was up. He stood, feeling the cool surface of the wood floor underneath his feet and stepped lightly, as he did, into the bathroom. _Might as well start the day now._

~*~*~*~

She never managed to fall back asleep, though she tried until it was her time to actually get up. She pulled a red camisole over her head, followed by a ripped black t shirt then stepped into a pair of black silk basketball shorts that fell against her knees. Looking in the mirror, she ran a brush through her hair and wrapped it into a sloppy ponytail that would have made Pam's frown become permanently carved into her face. _Don't think about them! _Her cell phone beeped at her when she picked it up. A notification popped onto the screen when she snapped in open. One new text message from: Henry.

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So there's this pretty button right below this, and it thinks you're its mom, so click on it and it'll leave you alone. lol. :)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N; Still don't own Santuary, and I didn't create it. The only characters that are mine is Arianna, Pam and Kevin. I also don't own the song the lyrics before the title are from.

I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, but I got in a fight with my other fic and had to work out some kinks.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

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_"We've taken what's been given, and we throw it all away...it's hard to be forgiven, when there's nothing left to say, when the conversation's over, the silence just gets in the way..." --Nothing Left to Say by Staind_

**I'm Telling You Now**

"Hello?"

"Henry, you texted me?"

"Anna? Yeah, uh, I sent you the new security program"

"Oh cool, I'll set it up as soon as I get down to the lab they got for me."

"Your not there yet? What you've been doin'?"

"Just got up, why?"

"You didn't hear? We got a tip that the Cabal was planning to go after the London complex sometime today. We're headin' over in like fifteen minutes."

"Crap! Okay, I'll get down there now, crap, crap, crap!"

"Alright, get whatever you can set up for when we get there, kay? Shouldn't take too long," He could hear her slam a door and run down a hallway.

"Will do, See you when you get here."

"See y--"

Panting, she hung up and tossed her cell phone into one of the many stacks of paper covering every last inch of space on the desk and started typing madly on the keyboard as she flung herself into the chair.

She wanted to see everyone, of course, but she was certain that Deckland had heard her scream and no doubt informed Helen of the unseen incident. She'd have to explain that it was only a nightmare. They wouldn't be able to resist prying into the deeper meanings, especially with Will being a phsychologist and would force her to tell them everything they couldn't be allowed to know. Exposing that truth would only risk all of their lives. It was her fondest childhood memory, the only one that didn't involve Death in some way, something she would never give up. But maybe then Nikola could see that she was truthful when she had said it wasn't just about him.

But part of her didn't want him to have such a revelation. How could she elaborate on her reasons? How could she possibly prove how she felt about leaving, living and most of all, how she felt about him. Was there a way for her to convince him she wasn't just protecting the two of them? How could she relay the news to him? After all, she herself hadn't exactly taken it well. She couldn't think of that, right now. Her concentration was needed on this program, but she couldn't help resting a lone hand on her belly before proceeding.

~*~*~*~

"Nikola, pack up what you need and let's _go_. Stop being so immature." Helen was growing impatient with the man, they needed him in London, yet he flat out refused; rebeling like an adolencent boy that was just grounded and caught sneaking out of his bedroom window.

"The Brits are perfectly capable of handling themselves."

"Look what happened last time. We were _there _for that one Tesla, we have to be there again."

A low growl rumbled in the back of his throat.

"I know you don't want to see her. We can keep you two separate, if we have to. But we need you there,"

He straightened his suit coat and shoved the almost complete weapon and whatever equipment he would need into a duffel bag.

"Thank you," She put a hand on his shoulder and ran it down his back as she strode from the room. "Meet us in the foyer"

Helen was right, he had no desire to see her, not even to be in the same country, let alone the same room. There was no purpose for it. None at all.

~*~*~*~

"I know what I'm doing; you don't need to watch me," She didn't look up at Deckland, who was leaning against the door frame. It always annoyed her when people believed her incompetant; she was a trained expert, there was absolutely no need for anyway to hover over her.

"I'm the one who taught you," Henry grabbed her from behind and hugged her through the chair.

She smiled as she stood and gave him a real hug, squealing when he picked her up off her feet.

"Hey guys!"

It has only been a couple days but it was the longest she'd ever been away from them since the day they saved her life.

"hello, kiddo" John stepped forward, revealing himself from behind the shadows and offered an one armed hug, which she gladly accpeted.

Helen's greeting followed John's. Nikola wasn't in the lab, didn't come to see her, not that she expected him to. She knew that Helen dragged him along on their little field trip, but he wouldn't show himself to her throughtout the visit. As much as it pained her, she was well aware of how much better that was.

"he'll get over it," Helen assured the young woman, noticing the disappointed when her glancing about proved Nikola's absence.

"I guess," Shaking her head, Arianna sat back down. "Systems are updated, protocols changed. We're up and ready on this end." She nodded once at the computer, pleased with the fact she was able to complete the process so quickly.

"Good work, Anna." Helen encouraged while Henry stared beaming, grinning to himself. He taught her well.

~*~*~*~

"Deckland says you had an exciting night." Will placed a hand on her shoulder as he joined her in the kitchen.

"Just a nightmare,"

"You wanna talk about it?" He poured the lukewarm coffee into a mug and held out the put to her.

She waved away the offer. "Not really" She took a sip from her water bottle.

He sat in the chair opposite of herand studied her face. "Alright, but if you need anything, or just wanna talk..."

"I know, thanks."

"You okay? I mean, you seem a little...off..."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little distracted, I guess."

Will nodded, very aware that she was lying to him. Something was most deffinately bothering her, and she wasn't just 'distracted.'

~*~*~*~

"IT'S DONE!" Tesla ran into the foyer, quite thrilled with himself.

"Great work, Tesla." Helen smiled.

His smile fell away as he noticed Arianna stainding on the outskirts of the group. Henry was with her, his face flushed and pale, eyes wide and somehow, no one seemed to notice besides Tesla. His face burned as he saw Henry place a hand over her belly and stare at it. They weren't together anymore, he shouldn't have felt like he wanted to rip the male werewolf's head off, but he did, and he hated it.

"I though you said I wouldn't have to see her?" Tesla muttered, feeling almost betrayed.

"We need her for this, you knwo that."

He growled as he watched Henry embrace Arianna tightly, making her squeal as they laughed and smiled. How was it that no matter what, whenever she was around Henry, she was the happiest woman in the world?

He felt on his arm, scaling it to his neck, bringing him back to the present moment. Turning around, he came face to face with the one woman he dreaded it to be.

"Nikola, we need to talk."

"Right now? Aren't we a little busy protecting ourselves from impending doom?"

"Before you leave. Please?" She pleaded.

He tried to turn away but her hand held firm on his shoulder, waiting for a response that never came.

They whirled around when two men and a woman teleported into the foyer behind them.

~*~*~*~

The encountered hadn't **started** as a fight, but the woman brought up something about John's past, then Arianna's. Somehow she had known about Pam and Kevin an dtheir demise.

It all went down hill from then. By the end of the brawl, Nikola was completely vamped, Henry and Arianna had morphed with bloodied teeth and claws, Magnus had run out of ammunition, and John had practically reinvented his Jack the Ripper status.

Arianna came out of the fight without a hair out of place, Henry made sure of that, using himself as a shield everytime a full on attack threathened. Tesla had a few scrathes, but they healed as soon as they appeared. John played bodyguard for Helen, though he sustained minor injuries, Helen made it out untouched.

~*~*~*~

"You going to come back with us?" Henry was leaning against the dresser in her guestroom.

""I think I'm going to stay here for a little while longer, get some things straightened out." Arianna sat crosslegged in the middle of the bed, leaning back so all of her weight was balanced on her arms, head hanging as she stared at the ceiling. "He's not coming, is he?"

"It's Tesla, we're talking about. Probably not."

"How am I supposed to tell him? I mean, come on, this isn't exactly something you want just dropped on your lap. 'Hey guess what?' You know, what am I supposed to do?!"

"I dunno"

"You're a big help."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you, I've never been in your situation."

Both werewolves stared at the door when they heard footsteps then a heavy bang on the wood. Maybe he actually did come. The doorknob twisted and the hinges groaned in protest as the half vampire behind the door swung it open.

He said nothing when he stepped past the doorway, only glanced at Henry, who brushed past him and left the room. Tesla looked down at the woman on the bed. She stared back at him, an almost terrified look in her eyes. She seemed confused, like she didn't know what to do. Which was strange, she always had a plan for everything. Her light brown hair cascaded down her back, ruffled from the fight, no matter how much she tried to smooth it. She looked pale, especially compared to how tan her skin usually was, maybe it was jsut the lighting.

"You wnated to tell me something?" He sounded irritated.

"Come here?" She patted the spot on the bed beside her.

Against his better judgement, he slid next to her. Sitting up, she took his hand in hers and placed it on her belly. Involuntarily, he caressed her soft skin while looking into her blue grey eyes.

Romance was never really the strong point of their relationship, so she cherished the fact that the moment was really happening. It seemed that while emotional tension had grown between them, so had a physical craving.

He cave to the craving and leaned over her, pressing his lips hard to hers. Her arms came around his neck as she kissed him back, allowing his tongue access to hers. She lied down and pulled him with her so that his was sompletely on top of her.

"If you have something to say, spit it out," He pulled away slightly.

"I don't know how you'll take th--"

He cut her off with a light kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Just say it."

"Alright then," She placed his hand back on her belly where he gently ran his fingers over it, "I'm pregnant."

At first he didn't know what to say. When she turned her head, looking ashamed and broken, he glanced down to where his hand still lay. Hid finger under her chin, he turned her face and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He brushed his lips over her cheek.

She didn't understand it when he pulled up again. The kiss had seemed like such an encouraging gesture, but he shut her down, for the second time. He felt her shift underneath him, tightening his grip on her hip, he held in her inplace as he lifted her shirt and gently kissed the soft skin of her belly.

Her hand ran through his hair when he laid his head on her stomach.

"Nikola...?"

"How long?" His voice was a low whisper.

"Five months. I found out just before I left,"

"Who else knows?"

"Helen did the test, I told Henry before the fight, trying to gain insight, you know? But he wasn't any help."

He nodded, careful not to apply too much pressure on her stomach.

"I can't go back...not yet..." She sighed.

"Why not?" He traced one her many scars with his finger.

"I have some thing to sort out first...Nothing big, I just need space to do it." It was only a white lie.

"But you'll come back when you're done with...with whatever?" He pulled up and rolled on his side, faceing her, his propped up with his arm.

"Of course."

He nodded, kissed her and rolled back to his post on top of her, relishing the way the curves of her body felt beneath him.

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Click the button. For me? Please...?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: The usual disclaimer.

Okay, okay, **Don't hate me!** I wanted to update a whole lot sooner, but I got distracted with other things.

**emphasis**

_thoughts_

**_past_**

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**Homeward Bound Lie**

He had just pulled her shirt over her head when a knock on the door caused them to jerk apart.

"Is Tesla in there with you?" Helen's voice slipped through the cracks in the wood and radiated throughout the room.

"Uh, yeah...Why?" Arianna spoke up, trying not to sound as out of breath she was as Tesla breathed into her ear.

"We're heading back." There was a slight pause as the realization hit the woman hidden by the door. "But if you two need a moment..."

"No it's alright."

Tesla stood, straightening his suit coat as Arianna yanked her shirt back on. She got to her feet in front of him, ruffled his hair so it only looked as messy as in usually did, and nodded her approval.

"...Bye..." She failed miserably at hiding the disappointment in her voice.

"Goodbye," He kissed her one more time before opening the door to reveal Helen, who was still waiting.

He brushed passed her and strode down the hallway, head held high.

"You told him, didn't you?" Helen grinned when the younger woman nodded. "And...?"

Arianna dropped to the bed, not feeling up to talking and smiled up at Helen.

~*~*~*~

Tesla was overjoyed at the news, it was the first time anything good had happened to him in years. But then again, wasn't there a possibility that the baby wasn't his? After all, she had always been pretty cozy with Henry, and Will, and John was always looking after her, he couldn't name all the men she was friendly with. Henry had flushed when he found out, so who really knew? Walking down the hallway to the foyer, he past the werewolf and mentally prayed that he would remain silent.

"So...How are you?" Henry grinned, his overly large canine teeth showing.

"Very well." Tesla continued his way to the foyer.

"You and Anna okay?" Henry fell into step with the older man, half running trying to keep up with him. The cheeriness in his voice replaced by genuine concern.

"Yes,"

"Good. She freaked when she found out. Then went all psycho trying to figure out how to tell you."

"Mhm."

Henry remained silent for a while, not sure wether to continue the conversation or shut up.

"Tesla?"

"What?!" The half vampire snapped, obviously annoyed by the younger man's questions.

"It is yours"

"What is?"

"The baby. It's yours. There's no doubt, man."

"Is that so?"

"Oh, yeah. She wouldn't even think about another guy like that."

"hmph," He wasn't convinced.

"Awh, Jesus, man! It's not what you think...Not like that at all" He cringed.

"What do I think? Please, enlighten me."

"That her and I are...uhm...a thing...behind your back..." His voice fading.

Tesla said nothing, only grunted and kept his pace so the younger man had to jog to keep up.

"Hell no! I mean, she's hot, yeah, but she's like my freaking sister." Henry's face twisted into one of horror as he cringed again.

Tesla remained silent, not wanting to continue the conversation. Henry took the hint and shut up.

~*~*~*~

She lie on her bed, relieved that she had finally told him that their couple would become a trio. She was terrified though, unable to decide whether or not to reveal the rest to him. Her story now involved him greatly, and with her carrying his baby, he deserved to know the whole tale. But how would he respond?

**_~*~*~*~_**

**_"Do it, then! I dare you." She growled._**

**_"You know I will" Her gun was in the younger woman's face, begging for the pressure on its trigger be increased to cause the ending of all this screaming._**

**_"Then do it! Pull the trigger!"_**

**_The older woman's grip on the gun shifted, finger more so on the trigger. She watched as the girl of fifteen shifted in front of her. The wolf growled and bared its teeth, ready for the impact of a bullet that never came. Well, never came into contact with her flesh. No medal flew from the woman's gun, it came from the man behind her. The older woman fell to the floor and the man stepped forward, not caring about the blood pooling around his feet, soaking into the soles of his shoes. _****_His gun took the place of the woman's._**

**_The wolf sprang, launching itself onto the man. He tried to fling her off but her jaws found his neck first._**

**_~*~*~*~_**

She shot up in her bed, tangled in the white sheets and shaking. Her hands clutched the sheet to her chest, breath came in short spurts and never seemed to find its way to her lungs. One hand fell to her belly

Tossing the covers to the side, she padded lightly to her dresser, picked up her laptop and brought it back to her bed.

~*~*~*~

He looked up from the tablet he held in his hands when he heard the computer beep. He strode to the desk and leaned over it. A notification had popped up for a chat invitation from Arianna.

He accepted and found himself in a chatroom, reading a message apologizing for not Skyping him.

it's not working for whatever reason...

**Okay**

Are we...

**we're fine.**

Okay, glad to hear it.

**Mhm**

Nikola?

**Yeah?**

We need to talk

**what are we doing right now?**

No, I mean, face to face.

**You couldn't have told me in London?**

No. Too many people.

**Because that makes a lot of sense.**

It does. Once we talk, you'll understand.

**Why not tell me now?**

Because computer usage is monitored. I would know, I do most of the monitoring.

**Then you can pretend like this conversation never happened.**

I said almost

**Ah.**

Yes. There are things you don't know about, no one does, except Helen and she's sworn to secrecy so don't try. I need to tell you myself.

**I didn't tell you this but we were planning on bringing you back for a couple days, Henry wants your help on something.**

Okay. We'll talk then.

**See you then.**

yeah..

**Arianna Benten has logged off.**

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It had to be important if she wouldn't even tell him in the London complex. It meant she needed to be back here, where she felt safe even to spill. This couldn't be good.

~*~*~*~

She had planned on staying signed on a bit longer, but the connection went dead and she knew the second that notification came up, he would log off as well, so there was no point in repairing it. Closing the laptop, she let out a deep breath, there was no turning back now, she would have to tell him.

She ruffled her hair and stood, stretching her aching muscles. She glanced at the clock. 6 a.m. _Might as well get ready, now._

_~*~*~*~_

He waited for a moment before logging off as well. He didn't like how the conversation was never truly closed, the end being left to sway in the wind and let interpretations seep into it. He tried not to contemplate the many possible subjects of her obvious despair, but it was more easier said than done. His mind wondered to when they first met, how she flinched every time he came around her until she learned to trust him. _Perhaps, she is going to try to explain her strange behavior?_

But he didn't want her to explain it. It was part of his attraction to her; she was a mystery, something he couldn't quite comprehend. He didn't want to lose the wonder and amazement that boiled within him whenever he thought of her. Of course, there were other things that drew him to her, but that had to be one of the most compelling. It called to him like pollen to a bee, like the cry of a helpless bear cub to it's mother, forcing him to react in ways he never thought he would, or could. Part of him wanted to know why, but only a small portion. Most him desired to leave it alone, to keep what little mystery and wonder there was left in the world. But for how much longer would his wish be granted? Not much.

Even if he was only reading a typed message, he could sense the urgantness of the meeting they had planned. It almost scared him to know she was so terrified over something. Something he could tell had been the cause of everything. He couldn't explain exactly **how** he knew it, he just did. The thought was in his mind, and no matter how hard he tried to force it out and focus on other things, it invaded his thoughts, overriding his memories, actions and for a moment, leaving him speechless.

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Reviewing makes updates pop up sooner. :D Constructive criticism always welcome, hell, encouraged.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So I'm back to y'all. Sorry, got really distracted with my other series. But here we go, off again. And with like no reviews…COUGH COUGH…I didn't feel very motivated. But then I realized, wait, it's a syfy show, not what I'm used to, so I got over it.**

**Usual disclaimer.

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**Setting the Scene**

It was only a few days later that she sat the computer in her lab, trying to figure out exactly what was going on back home. Because that's what the US sanctuary would always be to her, home. It was the closest thing to it she ever had and staying here in London...it just felt so unnatural.

Her fingers typed and her eyes stared at the computer screen but she didn't register any of it. How was she supposed to pretend she didn't know she'd be leaving soon? Well, that was Nikola's fault, not hers.

She nearly fell out her chair when a bing broke through the silence of her lab. Shaking her head, she glanced at the left bottom corner of the monitor and sighed.

New Message: Henry

She clicked the window and read what he sent.

Hey, Anna, John's coming to pick you up in like...I don't know, a couple minutes. Get packed up and stuff.

**Why is he coming? I told you, I couldn't come back yet. **She protested, though silently grateful she could finally talk to Nikola.

I need your help programming a better medical system for Helen.

**Oh, okay. I'll be ready.** With another sigh, she logged off, saved her worked and headed off to her guestroom to get packed.

~x~

Nikola paced his lab, John had left minutes ago and they were both sure she wouldn't be ready yet, but he couldn't stop thinking about what she could possibly have to tell him. The baby news had been enough of a bombshell but now there was something so secret only Helen knew? _Damn it._

Did she just start feeling she could trust him with it? How could he have been such an ass? He knew he was egotistical, but he had a right, didn't he? No, he didn't. Brilliance didn't give anyone the right to push away the only one he truly loved.

He had told Will he'd been in love many times, but the truth was it was never like this. He never, dare he admit, cried when they left. Never half begged them to stay. He let them walk away or he left them. No one ever affected him like this.

Finally, he convinced himself to focus, picked up his computer tablet and began fidgeting with it. He didn't really have anything he had to do today; the Cabal seemed fairly dormant since the London incident that left three of them dead. Which really didn't help distract his overactive mind in the least.

So now, finished with any trivial tasks he had compiled over the last few days, he sat and waited. The medical program wasn't all that important, just convenient for Helen. Maybe Arianna would come see him first? The huge discussion would have to wait, of course, but he needed to see her. He just hoped she was just as eager to see him. He hadn't exactly been the most supportive towards her. Something he deeply regretted. His head in his hands, he couldn't help but be angry with himself and almost let go of any tears he may have held back. Almost.

"Niko?" The voice was quiet, a whisper really.

He grunted in response. He knew who it was and yet he was too absorbed in his self-pity to give her any sort of greeting.

"Niko, what's wrong?" Her hand was now on his shoulder. He'd never know how the woman could move so quickly and quietly.

He just shook his head and looked up at her, opening his arms. She took the cue and sat on his lap, her arms moving to circle his neck.

"You know you can tell me." She whispered, kissing his cheek tentatively.

"Like you told me everything." He nearly kicked himself. He was angry with himself for being an ass, and he took it out on her...by being an ass.

She looked as if he just slapped her across the face as she spoke. "I know. I'm sorry...I-I...It's complicated." He could tell she was trying not to cry and he hated himself for doing that to her.

No matter what he felt for her, he always did this. Always hurt her. Will had told him it was because he wanted to push her away, make her see the bad side of him so she wouldn't get attached. When Nikola objected to the notion, Will said something irrefutable.

"_**You don't want to get too attached because you know you'll outlive her. So you hurt her to turn her away and therefore neither of you have to lose the other because you never had it."**_

"I didn't mean that..." He looked away from her so he didn't have to see the heartbreak he knew was in her tearing eyes.

"Yeah, you did." She slid off him and headed for the door. "I should go help Henry." She swallowed hard.

He found the will to get up and wrap his arms around her waist. "No, I didn't. I say things...things I don't mean. I don't try to hurt you, that's the last thing I want." He turned her around so she faced him. Resting his forehead against hers he waited a moment to just breathe her in before continuing in a whisper.

"I know I told you I never could, but I love you, Ari. It scares me, it really does. For the first time, I don't know what to do."

Her arms found their designated spot around his neck as she lifted herself to her toes and kissed him softly. "I love you, too." She breathed.

"Good." He smiled that charming, toothy grin that she had been missing for the past few days. "So…" He started, running his fingers through her hair. "I was thinking, you and I could go out for dinner or something?"

"That'd be great."

~x~

"I was thinking that little restaurant by the lake you love so much…"

"Sounds perfect." She smiled. "I'll come back down when Henry and I are done?"

"Perfect." He kissed her once more then sent her on her way.

Then program didn't take nearly as long as Henry tried to drag it out, pretending he didn't know what he was doing, even though it was more than obvious, he could've done it by himself. In the dark. With one arm tied behind his back.

"Did you really need me for this?" She rolled her eyes.

"ye—" She sent him that don't-you-dare-bullshit-me look so he sighed and confessed. "No. But I don't like having you gone. A pack's gotta stick together, and you're not."

"It's complicated. There just some shit that's been following me for a while…" She stared out the door of the computer lab, a distant look in her eye.

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

"Not at all. But I'm not gunna have much of a choice later…Promised Nikola I'd explain it…"

"Damn. Best of luck to ya. He shouldn't flip out too much, right?"

She let out a snort. "If you knew what I was talking about, you wouldn't believe that either."

Arianna took the stairs two at a time to get to his lab. She'd showered and changed, into a black dress that suited her perfectly, loose enough for her to maneuver, yet tight enough to compliment her figure. A black ribbon tied around her waist, but its original use hadn't been for decoration. She still owned the blade that was supposed to hang from it, but carrying around a gemmed sword in this area hardly seemed appropriate. It cut at her knees at split at her left side, up just below her hip, where a broach in the shape of a rose attached the ends of ripped fabric. The dress, though battle-worn and tattered, still held a sophisticated look to it, and spoke of dark secrets hidden just below the surface of society. It would simply serve as a prop with the story she would soon tell.

He nearly ran into her on the way up. His eyes wandered her body covered in that dress; he gawked. This had to be a new one; he'd never seen it. It looked absolutely stunning on her, and he couldn't object to her wearing it. Suddenly, he felt he needed to change. The suit he wore seemed almost shabby compared to what she had draped herself in. Only when she grabbed his hand, looked at him with worried eyes, and asked if he was ready, did he make up his mind. He didn't want to waste any of this time with her. So, he took her hand in his and tucked in his arm, leading her back up the stairs and out the door.

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	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: disclaimer. Sorry about the wait.**  
**I used my awesome google skills for the wine and the Trattoria Acqua menu for the menu here; I own neither.**

_"Well it's a winding road, when you're in the lost and found, you're a lover I'm a runner, we go round 'n round. And I love you but I leave you, I don't want you but I need you. You know it's you who calls me back here babe..."_

**The Unbearable**

Normally, she would have pressed herself to side hide in an attempt to shield herself from the autumn breeze, but tonight, it didn't seem to bother her. Her hand had slipped from the near warmth of his arm to rest partially on her hip, at the end of the ribbon across her middle.

"It's not really a ribbon, is it?" He questioned.

"No, it's not." She shook her head. "It's the belt to a sheath."

"Like the sheath of a sword?"

She sighed. "Yeah. I haven't had to use the sword in a long time, but it was gift and it has come in handy before. I still have it. Just in case."

"Who uses a sword in a world full of firearms?" He mused, reaching for her hand as they approached the restaurant.

"People who need something quick, effective and, most importantly, quiet. Someone with Old Laws to uphold in a certain way." She smiled sweetly at the host in the building, as if she hadn't just been talking about murder for hire.

"What's the name?" The young man eyed her before turning his attention to Tesla.

"Benten." He responded then answered Arianna. "What are you talking about? The Laws are long gone. If they came back, I don't know about it. And if I don't know about, it didn't happen."

"Um, right this way?" The younger man turned to lead them through the restaurant.

"Then either you haven't been paying attention, you aren't as high up as someone led you to believe, or I let someone else take advantage of me. I don't know what to tell you, Niko."

He growled, low enough so she was the only one who heard.

They wound through the place, earning a number of strange looks, until they got to their table. It was the one by the window, the one they always got when they came. It had a great view of the lake and if you sat in the right spot, you could see the rest of the room.

"Who were you upholding them for? Your name never came up in the records; I would have called you out on it."

She shivered then and focused on setting her napkin on her lap as they were handed their menus. "I was kept off the book."

He waited for the host to leave before continuing. "You were their pet assassin?" He eyed her.

"I'm stronger than you think." She sighed and slipped her hands under his so he could feel them shaking. "I don't know if they were really part of the Council or if it was a load of bullshit that they fed us, but I know what I did, and I know I'm not proud of it. Though if I could go back and change what I've done, there are parts I'd leave exactly the same."

He cocked his head to one side, his mind trying to process the information. "What happened? I remember that Cabal woman saying something about a Pam and Kevin. Who were they?"

"I'll get there eventually." She took a shaky sip of water, nearly gagging it down. Noticing the tremble in her movements, Nikola slid his hand back over hers and closed his fingers around them.

Their server came to ask for their drink orders, but when he noticed whom it was, turned around and promptly left, already know what they would want.

"I don't know where to start." She admitted, taking a deep breath.

"Try the beginning." He rolled his eyes, placing his table setting aside to give himself room to lean over the table.

She sighed and met his dark eyes for a quick moment. "My family wasn't all happy and supportive, like you guys think. They aren't dead, I don't think. I lived with my parents until I was five, when they sent me away. You see, Daddy was a drunk. A rowdy drunk-"

"And you were a timid little girl." He nodded.

"A timid little werewolf. He scared the crap out of me. And when I'm scared," she waved her hand.

"You change."

"My parents didn't understand it. Mom was an accountant, Dad a geneticist."

"The logical kind."

"That never thought things like us could exist." She nodded and let out a shaky breath just as the waiter returned with a bottle of red wine.

He was an older man, with graying black hair and weathered face that showed his years of hardship and fatigue. Despite everything read from his gray eyes and sad face, he always had a smile to spare for the couple. They always requested the same table, didn't mind sitting and talking to him, wished his family good fortune as they left. Plus, they tipped well.

"Mr. and Mrs. Benten, long time no see." He smiled cheerfully.

It took them both a moment to remember that, to the rest of the world, Tesla was Mr. Nicholas Benten, not Nikola Tesla, for obvious reasons.

"Ah, hello George." Nikola smiled at him. "What do you have for us, tonight?"

"A bottle of Black Coyote Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. It's a bit fruitier than the usual wines, but I think you'll like it. You can sample it first, if you would like." He offered the bottle for Nikola's inspection.

"I'll try it first, please." He grinned as George poured a bit into a glass.

He picked up the wine glass, swirled the dark liquid in it, and sniffed it first. Nodding, he took a sip and mulled it over for a little. His grin widened as he looked over at Arianna.

"She'll love it. We'll take it."

"Very good choice, sir." George poured the couple's wine then motioned to their untouched menus. "Do you need a few more minutes?"

"Yeah, sorry, George, but this man, he can never have a shallow conversation." Arianna smiled at Nikola.

The waiter chuckled. "Then I shall leave you two for a few minutes." He left with a light-hearted smile painted across his aging features.

She picked up the menu and scanned through the items, it didn't take long for her to locate her favorites. Deciding from those, however, would be another story. Nikola, on the other hand, knew what he would order but unfolded the menu anyway. From over the top of it, he gazed at her.

She'd pulled her brown hair back into a loose ponytail and had waved the long portion. It now draped over her shoulder. She never took to wearing make up often, but tonight she'd given him the pleasure of seeing her eyes rimmed with a thin strip of black eye-liner, though she left out the mascara. He didn't mind at all, her eyelashes were long and thick enough to frame her bright eyes without it. An in-between shade of lipstick graced her lips and matched perfectly with her dress and skin tone. He smiled.

Her eyes flicked up to study him. When they met his, she was lost in their depth for moment. His hand reached across the table to grasp hers, sending a spark through her. Whether it was literally a spark of electricity from his abilities or something else, she never was quite sure. In that moment, she forgot why they came to the restaurant, forgot about the fight, forgot all those secrets she had to tell him. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed lightly, to remind herself that it wasn't a dream. A blush crept from the bridge of her nose to her cheekbones. She couldn't help it with him staring at her as if he'd never seen a woman before. And that smile. On his face. It was a good thing she was already sitting.

Neither of them knew how long they sat like that, but it must have been a while, since George's return had to break them from the moment.

"Have you two decided yet?" His voice remained patient; he was used to making several trips to the Benten table.

"If you start with him." Arianna smiled sweetly and waved her hand toward Nikola.

"The Bistecca Florentina, please, George." He gathered his and Arianna's menus and handed them to the server, knowing she'd decided.

"Alright, and for the lady?" George turned his smile toward her.

"Linguine Arabbiatta, please," she opened her mouth to continue, but he finished for her.

"As mild as we can make it, right?"

"Yessir." She grinned.

"Alright, guys, I'll be back in a bit." He turned heel then left with their orders.

"Now," Nikola squeezed her hand, "continue?" He pressed gently.

She sighed and took a sip of her wine. "My parents. They were extremely logical people, couldn't understand why their little girl kept turning into a wolf when thunder sounded. So they sent me away."

"To Pam and Kevin?"

"It was a boarding school, really, for...special people. People with anger issues and psychological problems. It wasn't a great place. They got most of there 'treatment' ideas from the 20s or so. I was locked in my room alone for most for the day, only a few minutes to go outside and play, and even then, they were watching. And if I changed..." She cringed, released herself from his grip, and rolled the arm over so that her palm faced upward. The fingers of the opposite hand absently tracing the small, circular scars that littered her forearm.

"What did they do to you?" He tried to hide his breath catching in his throat as his fingers followed hers along the smooth skin.

"Depended on the day. Sometimes it was cigarettes. Other times a whip that hurt the most." She shrugged. "God, I missed feeling the wind on my face, through my hair. I used to dream of mountains, the ones with snowcaps and running through the snow, without caring who saw me in wolf form. Or thick forests, so vibrant and full of life. Or white-sand beaches with clear water lapping at the shore. The freedom that came with those places is what I always wanted."

"You never got to see them..." He let out a shaky breath, knowing he'd helped in holding her back.

Sensing what he was feeling, she slipped her hand back into his and waved her other toward the window. "What do you think is out there?" She smiled but it didn't completely meet her eyes. "There were beatings for everything from holding a fork the wrong way to talking back to listening to the radio for more than a half hour."

At this, he raised his eyebrow.

"Pam was convinced that TV drove people mad but Kevin had insisted on at least having a radio because the silence made him do things," a violent shiver shook her small body, "terrible things…" She looked up him and met his eyes then. "That's why you were always my favorite inventor.

"Because I invented the radio..."

"It gave me an escape. In those days, our outside time had been cut dramatically, and Pam was slowly losing her memory. So when I wasn't dreaming of mountains, or forests, or beaches, I listened to the radio for comfort. In a lot of ways, it saved my life."

He gaped at her for a while, speechless.

"But then she got rid of it and I got older and I was barely allowed outside... Dreams just weren't enough. So, at fifteen, I packed my backpack full of stuff and stocked up on food and such. Within a few months, I had enough supplies and nerve to try to leave. I waltzed right up to the front door. When confronted, I announced my departure. Pam didn't like it at all. She tried to stop me and when I refused to back down, she pulled a gun." She shuddered.

Nikola squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"By that time, Kevin had gotten sick of her antics as well, shot her to try to blame me. Then aimed his gun at me. I..." She took a sip of wine in an attempt to swallow the bile. "I ripped his throat out and left without looking back. That started my first stint out on the streets."

Only a second after she finished her sentence, George came back with a basket of bread, a plate, olive oil, and asiago cheese. After mixing the oil and cheese, he placed the bread beside it and left without saying a word.

Nikola waited patiently for her to control her slight trembling and finish her wine, then poured some more in her glass, knowing she'd need it. But she raised her hand, shaking her head, and flicked her eyes toward her belly

"It wasn't bad; I had enough money to buy food after I ran out. I moved around a lot. Then I met Alex. He was a nice enough guy, at first. He's the one who showed me to the Council."

He cocked his head again. "Alexander Tennar?"

"No. Alexander Ringer."

"Never heard of him..."

"Alright, showed me to the faux-Council. The rules were stricter than the one you belonged to. And if you bent one, let alone broke it, you ended up in some serious trouble. I played hit-woman for a while, but I wanted out."

"And the faux-Council is like the mob."

"Exactly. You don't just get out." She sighed. "But I ran off, with the Executioner's Blade they gave me."

"They've been hunting you."

She nodded and picked at the bread. "For a while, I was out of their reach. But Marcus Thane, the man Helen was after the day she found me, was my replacement, and a damn good one. He'd tracked me from South Carolina, to California, to Canada, to Russia then here."

"You obviously killed him."

"Yeah, but they've been after me full-throttle since."

"And you think they've found you."

She nodded again, remaining silent.

Their meal came then. Normally, they'd have a heated discussion, or debate, or witty banter. But that night they ate in silence. They didn't let their laughter fill the room as they usually would. She finished her pasta then he his steak. When George returned with the desert menu, Nikola ordered a tiramasu to go, paid, and led his date home.

On the walk home, she pressed herself to his side, but not to hide from the wind, and he had no problem tucking her body under his arm and close to him.

Their silence remained unbroken until they made it back to the Sanctuary.

"Are you staying here tonight?" He whispered as they walked through the door.

"I don't know..." Despite her words, she continued to walk with him to his room.

He stopped in the middle of the hallway and swung her so that she was pressed into his front. "Please, stay tonight." His lips brushed hers lightly.

"Okay..."

Nikola unlocked the door to his room and followed her in. Everything was as neat and organized as it had been last time she'd been there, aside from the desk, on which files and papers, on his most recent project, were strewn about.

As if on autopilot, she untied the ribbon from her waist and dropped it on the floor, reaching for the zipper next. His fingers beat hers to it as he undid the dress, let the fabric fall away from her, and pool at her feet. He lazily traced her spine with his knuckles before pulling her back into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry, Ari..." He whispered in her ear, holding her gently, as if afraid he would break her.

She shook her head and leaned back into him, the fabric of his suit soft and warm against her skin of her back. "Don't be. I'm not."

He kissed her neck gently as her head fell back onto his shoulder. She pulled away from him after a while and crawled onto the bed. Snuggling up under the comforter and sheets, she watched as he stripped to his boxers. Slowly, he slipped in the bed beside her, stretching an arm out to her. In an instant, she cuddled up to him, laying her head on his chest and her hand over his heart.

"I'm sorry for what happened…" His words were barely loud enough for her to hear them.

She raised herself up on her arm and traced small circles on his chest with her fingers, as she looked him in the eye. "I'm not…It brought me here, to you. Knowing that, I'd go through it all again."

His knuckles brushed her cheek before he cupped her face and brought her down into a sweet kiss that lingered and deepened until they were both breathless. A slight smile played on her lips as she lied back down and promptly fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: disclaimer. **

**Packs and Alphas  
**

She woke up wrapped around his leg while he sat, leaning against the headboard, stroking her hair. Blinking, she lifted her head from his thigh to look up at him. He'd been up for a while, she could tell by the way his eyes glittered in the dim lighting, void of any sleep, and the faint scent of toothpaste and soap.

"Well, good afternoon," he smiled warmly at her, "you must have been exhausted last night."

Groaning, she nuzzled his leg - which was now covered by black sweatpants. "You have no idea..."

But he did. Will had told him about the nightmares and Decland had reported that they had continued to visit her every night she had been in London. The supervisor had informed him that he would hear her scream at odd hours of the night then find that she was the first one to her post, explaining the several empty Gatoraid bottles he would discover in her trash. Dekland had claimed that she probably had not slept more than a few hours in the week or so she had been there.

"Niko? What's wrong?" her voice sounded so small, so weak.

"Did you have another nightmare last night? For a while, you got pretty restless..." He frowned, his fingers continuing the path through her hair.

Her eyes closed at the feel of it; she'd always loved it when he played with her hair. "No. First night in a week or so." she moved to sit beside him, waiting for their eyes to meet before she spoke. "I never have them when I'm with you...I'd forgotten what they feel like..."

His worried expression melted into his signature grin as he brought his arm around her shoulders. "Always a pleasure to help a beautiful lady."

Something in her shifted, a switch being flipped, something she'd been able to control for so long. She stood, covered herself as best as she could, and made her way to his attached bathroom without a word, knowing she'd need to get away from him before she did something stupid.

"...Ari?" His worried voice followed her until she closed the door and leaned against it.

_Calm, calm yourself. He's a friend, I know that, you know that. _She chided, swallowing a low growl that threatened to escape her.

_So was Alex. A familiar voice snarled, pushing forward the urge to pace the floor._

_Niko isn't like that!_ She defended.

_And Alex wasn't like Kevin, do you remember that? Or are you too blind? Do I need to take over again? You know very well that I will._

Arianna could feel the color drain from her face. _Don't...Don't do that. You know damn well these people want nothing more than to help. They haven't done anything to us in the years we've been here!_

Nothing but a low, inhuman growl responded. She and her wolf had had this conversation before, too many times to count. Once when she was contemplating staying then every once and a while afterward. She'd always ended up winning, but at a cost. Every time they struggled with this topic, the wolf left for a long while, refusing to be called forth, refusing to allow the Change.

_Look. Arianna sighed. __We can't do anything without him, we tried that approach. Like it or not, he's our mate. I know he's not the one you wanted, but he's the one I chose and, if you haven't noticed, I'm the dominant one here._ Then she let out a snarl of her own in the form of seven words_. Besides which, at least Niko is alive._

The wolf nearly roared at the comment. _If it were not for Magnus and her side kick, this would not be so! If you had listened to me, you would not be in this mess!_

_**We **may not have been, but at least we can get out of it. For once in our god-awful life, something went right. So, can you trust me just this fucking once. I'll get us out of this like I have every other time. Maybe you could see that if you weren't so busy pouting!_

There was another growl and she felt the familiar pressure on her chest.

_You will not!_

The wolf tried to take over, her eyes changing to dark, chocolate brown, canines elongating slightly. But Arianna fought it, clenching her hand on the doorknob, nearly ripping it off. "G-get Henry!" She choked, hoping Nikola would be able to hear her.

"Alright, hold on, babe. Just hang on, fight it." She heard him call then his footsteps retreat.

She tried to fight it, damn it, she did. By the time Henry burst through the bathroom door, she was on her hands and knees, bracing herself and growling dangerously.

"Get out, mutt!" Her voice had grown dramatically more animalistic and deep.

Henry paused, shocked, as he stood over her smaller form. "I'd show more respect, if I were you." His own wolf snarled, Henry didn't even try to stop him.

A cruel laugh spilled from Arianna's lips. "I have no need to be respectful, you are no Alpha, this is no pack."

Without missing a beat, he knelt beside her and gripped her jaw, forcefully enough to hold her in place and demonstrate his power over her yet gently enough not to hurt her. "It's the closest thing to a pack that you will ever know, female. I suggest you suck it the fuck up."

She growled and went to jerk away, but he only tightened his grip on her.

"I realize you would prefer to be elsewhere, but whatever lies in your past is over now, whatever its aftermath is or will be can easily be taken care of, but you cannot do it alone. You know that. Arianna knows that." His wolf allowed Henry to finish. "That's why you're here, Ayame. So we can help you. You know that's all we want. If we wanted to hurt you, don't you think we have done it already?"

Ayame simply growled again, but receded back into her place, leaving Arianna in charge again. She fell backward to lean against the wall and brought her knees up to her still-bare chest.

"Well, that was new." Henry commented, still staring at her in awe.

"She's only ever done it once before. I didn't know if you'd be able to stop her, but thank you." Arianna gasped.

Henry stood and filled a glass with water, kneeling again as he handed it to her. "It's happened before?"

She nodded as she gulped down the water, wiping her mouth her the back of her hand. "Once. It got...messy. She doesn't exactly have the control that I do."

He snorted. "No shit, kid. That's why you're in charge and she's not, so you don't go off slaughtering people. She may be strong enough to take you over, but she's smart enough not to."

"No, you don't understand. She wants to, she wants to take over so she can take us out of here. As bloody as it may get."

He nodded. "You two need counseling or something. You're two totally different personalities."

"Yeah, I know."

_Not long ago, we were just the same. _A voice remarked in the back of her mind, but she ignored it, trying to block the memories that threatened to surge forward.

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